"Goodbye"

It's a shame that it had to be this way
It's not enough to say I'm sorry
It's not enough to say I'm sorry

Maybe I'm to blame
Or maybe were the same
But either way I can't breathe
Either way I can't breathe

All I had to say is goodbye
Were better off this way
Were better off this way

I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive
Cause everything we've been through
And everything about you
Seemed to be a lie
A guiltless twisted lie
It made me learn to hate you
Or hate myself for letting it pass by

All I had to say is goodbye
Were better off this way
Were better off this way
All I had to say is goodbye
Were better off this way
Were better off this way

And every, everything isn't only
What it seemed so hold these
Words that you never told me
Its time to say goodbye
Its time to say goodbye
Its time to say goodbye
Goodbye

Bye

this is it. i'll be throwing out the emotional baggage and sailing away on another maiden voyage to a brand new place. what a heavy heavy load that i'm going to discard. for better or worse, i guess there's no knowing but there has been too much to worry about. too much to conflict. too much emotions to handle. i'm just not up to it.

somehow it feels like deja vu. like it's happened before and it's going to be a whole huge cycle again. i am certain that i do not wish to go through that cycle again. it seems like we all don't learn from the past. we make the same assumptions, have the same expectations and then go through the same disappointments again and again. it's about time to let go.

but i never expected this to hit so deep within my heart. never expected the weakness of my limbs and the heavy rasps of breath that i have to take. never expected how my body still turns cold when this is all so expected.

i guess everything has its sacrifices and after going through so much, i've probably had enough. guess it was not meant to be so i shall just let it go and no matter how it pains me, i guess it's not worth it anymore.

if i knew i'd have gone a long time ago
not waiting till now
only to realise how i've been a fool for you

okay i take back what i said about how nobody ever writes badly. and that nobody ever writes crap. cos apparently i've been reading some crap which i wouldn't even bother reading if it weren't so funny. a joke. haha.

i've been on holiday retreat mode. staying at somebody else's house taking care of somebody else's dog. he is so cute, i wish this retreat never ends. but it will end tomorrow. then it's back to reality.

oh you know they say, the powerless choose to pretend problems don't exist?

and they say, those who refuse to let problems exist in their lives are fools.

time for a haircut.

if we went back to the promises made, it would seem like a joke now how all has turned out.

to think that i was still contemplating....yeah i was contemplating but i guess i don't have to now. thank god i never let it out and never told anyone what was in my mind. if not it would be even more painful right now.

gave up many things that mattered and even people that mattered. just because you mattered more, i thought. i thought wrong.

goodbye.

从开始到现在，我所做的一切都是为了谁？

谁曾真正地了解我奇怪的个性？
也许没人能。
也许这世上存在的人都不会不要不能体会我心中的感受。
一个人生活不难，只需习惯。

把我一切的一切都给了你。

放弃。

最近一直使用华文，用到我头昏脑胀！没想到我的华文程度到现在还是半桶水，缺乏美感，连完整无暇的句子都不能造出。真是另外一个失败的华人！

为什么世界上需要你这种烂货？没有你世界可真美好! 但是有人曾告诉过我，有了不完美，你才会珍惜完美。也许世界真的最需要你了！因为你的不完美，让世界变得更完美！

有些时候，小小的事情会造成大大的反映。那就要怪大反映者了！因为在最坎坷的情况下，那些有善尽心的人都回把坏的事情化为好事。只有那些求世界大乱的人才会让他们自私的“大大反映”搅乱一切。

能够接受批评的人真的值得赞赏！也许我对你的期望太高了，以为你是一个能够接受批评，求进步的人，但我错了。原来你比我想象中还要小气！其实小气的人也蛮好笑的，因为他们的反映还真是料不到哦！这也算是新鲜感啦？

为什么有些人喜欢批评别人却不能让人家批评呢？也许这是性格的问题。也不能怪他们啦。。。因为他们可能对自己没有什么信心，还蛮可怜的！

可怜可怜。。。可惜可惜。。。

a leader needs to understand the first rule of being impartial. no matter what happens, no matter how much it affects you, never, never let you emotions get the better of you. when it does, you have lost all the respect that was given to you out of goodwill in the very first place.

we all need good leaders.























































chiam see tong no longer running for the next elections....even a good leader grows old...who will take over?

neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed a breaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

sometimes you think you know it all and things may seem just as you have perceived it to be. but. perceptions are flawed and they lie on the surface. if you don't know half of what is going on and most things go on when you're not even there to witness them, it's better to shut up. cos it will only sound like a joke.

i'm feeling just a little...

overwhelmed.

"I don't want whatever I want. Nobody does. Not really. What kind of fun would it be if I just got everything I ever wanted just like that, and it didn't mean anything. What then?"

just to get through this week...and the next.

everything will be okay. i gotta have some faith.

think stressful GG periods are the best times to have mentally insane jokes coming out of my mouth. it's like i shoot and its so damn funny how not to laugh. think it's at this period of time that i think weird thoughts that i seldom think about. like how it's funny to know someone with an english name but that person never uses it. HAHA.

okay. not funny.

i'll tell you what's funny. i realise my pancakes list is overflowing. too much syrup. too much gu you. too little jam. NEED MORE MEAT PATTIES! i noe you won't understand what i'm talking about. it's about yummy stuff MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

can't wait for saturday and sunday. street challenge plus night safari halloween night combo meal for me. then a match that i hope to score in for sunday. my ultimate goal of this season is to overtake the top scorer. i'm three goals away to equalizing hahaha!!

OKAY. MAD ASS PROJECT TIME.

KTHXBBYE.

我的关怀方式
是你无法察觉的悲凉
只能在你不经意时
才锁上我心房

the pen is indeed mightier than the sword. on days that i'm so angry with certain people and certain happenings i just might pick up the sword and kill kill kill. but the pen. the pen it does so much more.

what's mightier than taking up the sword to slay? it is stopping the slaying. the pen helps me calm down. it helps me talk things through with myself. at the end of the day i may not feel any less offended but i would have lost the urge to hold the mighty sword. the pen does so much more.

write, or we will never listen. write, or we will never hear your woes. write, or you will end up holding the mighty sword and end up slaying and regretting. write, or you will never really know how good you are. write, or you will never realise the dreams you hide inside.

when you pick up the pen, don't question yourself on what you're going to write or express. just write. free-flow writing. if you stop to question, your writing can only ever be a facade. never true. write what you feel. write what you think. regretting what you write can come later. you can always erase what you've written but you can never rewrite what you never wrote.

writing is a passion that burns in all of us. but only few pick up that pen to let their emotions flow. why? i really have no idea. nobody writes badly, it's all a matter of style. all a matter of learning of improving of getting better of writing until you can't hold that pen anymore.

有多久没见你
以为你在那里
原来就住在我的心底
陪伴着我的呼吸

有多远的距离
以为闻不到你的气息
谁知道你背影这么长
回头就看到你

过去让它过去
来不及
从头喜欢你
白云缠绕着蓝天
如果不能够永远都在一起
也至少给我们
怀念的勇气
拥抱的权利
好让你明白
我心动的痕迹

i just have to believe....

if you're even bothered to wonder about me, i've been busy. really really busy and up to my throat with deadlines, projects and worrying like mad about tests and exams. it feels as though i can never make it but i guess we always do in the end, right?

it'll be okay.

what if one nightmare leads to another? when will it end?

it'll be okay.

what if one sweet dream ends in a nightmare. we would have spent hours in the dream happily living through it, thinking that dreams can be so sweet yet the tragic ending just shatters everything. is it worthy to be so happy and then fall so hard?

it'll be okay.

it'll be okay. really?

is it going to be o.k or k.o?

when are we truly happy?

it's another day.

where are you?

who are you?

i know

when all that makes life bright dies

"of course, in a novel, people's hearts break, and they die, and that is the end of it; and in a story this is very convenient. But in real life we do not die when all that makes life bright dies to us. These is a most busy and important round of eating, drinking, dressing, walking, visiting buying, selling, talking, reading and all that makes up what is commonly called living, yet to be gone through; and this yet remained to me."

i am so screwed. if i don't pull up my socks starting from this very minute and concentrate on doing all my assignments and studying for exams, i know, i just know that i will die a horrible horrible death.

i should stop thinking about ______.

i should start concentrating....

"I spend 23 hours a day wondering whether we’re wrong for each other, wondering whether we’ve got the energy that we need to get through everything that we seem to get into, whether the baggage we both bring would sink a small ship. But in the 24th hour, I realize I’ve been thinking about you for 23 hours and I come back to there’s something about you I can’t stay away from. Something about you that makes me want you."

Remember all the things we wanted

Now all our memories they're haunted

We were always meant to say goodbye


Even with our fists held higher

It never would've worked out right yea

We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out

I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

Looking at you makes it harder

But I know that you'll find another, 
that doesn't always make you want to cry


Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in

Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go




I want you to know that it doesn't matter

Where we take this road someone's gotta go

And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better

But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

secrets

"There are two kinds of secrets: those we keep from others and those we hide from ourselves."

my little secret growing. no longer tiny little secret. keeping it from others but it can't hold out much longer. maybe sooner or later i'll have to drive it so deep inside my heart that nobody can ever see it again. nobody. not even myself. could it be that someday i'll have to hide this from myself as well?

lack the courage. lack of time. lack of every little thing i need and want. lack of you.

每个人心中都有架钢琴
尘封在回忆
任凭我只是你的插曲

pointless point

"Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless."

i'm going to do everything pointless for now.

是我讲不听谁劝都不理
不顾一切就是爱你
只要你一声叹息
就能动摇我心

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser."

maybe that's why i'm afraid to put my pencil to paper.

i really...

if all that glitters is gold, you must be something more.

i wish today either never begins or it could be fast forwarded to the end.

i miss you so much...

i do, i really do miss you. it takes forever to forget you. and it will take forever for me to ever forgive myself for not spending enough time with you. for not fulfilling the promises i made to myself though you never knew. for not doing all the things that i wanted to do with you because i put it off all the time.

i forgot that you were aging too fast because i was young and i thought my life was long but yours was obviously almost over. i forgot that i had all the time that you had but you had it long before mine. i forgot that i cared about you more than i cared about my friends or anything else that i put before you because i was delusional. i forgot to tell you every week that i love you.

i love you, always and forever.

today's the day....

如果我爱上你的笑容
要怎么收藏要怎么拥有
如果你快乐不是为我
会不会放手其实才是拥有

leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey

if i could tell you how i'm feeling deep down inside, would you care? would you bother? would you bother to care?

曾经你被爱伤得意冷心灰
你的梦已支离破碎
多年的等待你知道为了谁
别再对我如此防备

闭上我的眼
你的容颜
仍能让我如此般的醉
爱无怨无悔
让我甘心给你最深的依偎

舍不得让你为爱独自流泪
一个人拥着悲伤你怎么入睡
疼你的心一直守在你周围
不让心情有单独的机会
有你的世界才算是最完美
我的爱除了你不会再给谁

meet me halfway...

In a lifetime
Made of memories
I believe
In destiny

Every moment returns again in time
When I've got the future on my mind
Know that you'll be the only one

Meet me halfway
Across the sky
Out where the world belongs
to only you and I

Meet me halfway
Across the sky
Make this a new beginning of another life.

i think i....

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there." -Bob Marley

the urge to talk to someone. anyone at all. but when the number is dialed there's nothing to say. no words to describe what i'm feeling.

the urge to paint a picture. a picture of something i mean to convey. but there's no picture, no paint, no palettes good enough to paint that thousand words.

the urge to succumb. succumb to pain. to suffering. to temptations. but i fall short of it. i lack something. and everything's just a bluff.

the urge to want to tell the world. shout it out loud. proclaim proudly. but there's nothing to be proud of. nothing to shout out loud. nothing i should tell the world.

restrained in a place too small to soar. the oceans are full and waves are tall but i'm too near the shore. where to go next. how to?

thinking of many many things and people. all at once. nothing ever stays.

the little corner of my heart
the little corner of my mind
the little corner of the room
the little corners that add up to a whole

为什么被爱有时却觉得悲哀
为什么我还是害怕一个人醒来
为什么相爱日子却依然空白
为什么你走不到我的未来

will keep in mind that the team dynamics is too different.
will remember that not every player is as tough as in the past.
will remind myself that soft approaches may not work but it at least make people feel better about themselves and maybe that's what is needed though it will mean we will never be up there.
will tell myself that sometimes experience doesn't speak volumes and that keeping quiet works better because people feel better about themselves again but it still doesn't mean we can win.
will constantly nag at myself to forget that i was ever a leader in this sport and that i should now fade into the background and just do my minimum best because that's enough for everyone.
will think about where to go next.

if i had the discipline in doing my schoolwork, i would have even more free time than i already have. i would play mahjong without thinking of that deadline and go suntanning without worrying about that essay.

if i had the discipline in doing my housework, i would have a neater room and not worry about the laundry piling up. i would not worry about some clothes not drying in time and leaving it to dry under the fan and getting fined for that.

if i had the discipline in love, i would not be where i am today.

the story without a beginning

在镜子前面我是个被爱的女人
他站在门外这个周末我可以依赖在他的胸怀
在情人面前我还是单身的女人
爱若缺了缘份
我想我只能用情至深但不能太认真

my ankle hurts. it feels dead. i hope it recovers fast if not i'll throw a bitch fit.

happy birthday to you!

you're a joy to be with and a friend till the end =D

虽然你现在躺在我身边
虽然你现在只对我想念
虽然你现在说爱我不变
但为何你只抽他习惯的香烟

i want to be...

it's recently that i realised how my life has changed. how everything i do has a different purpose or purposes. how every single moment there's a little shadow hanging over me. which i don't mind. provides some shade from the sun. it's only recently that i realised how it's been on my mind. pervading my life. every day. all the time.

if someone could tell me what my life would work out to be like, i'll gladly run towards that direction. it beats not knowing. being afraid. failing.

i could be whatever i want to be, but i want to be whatever you want me to be.

i've been running and running but there's no one behind me.

是我想太多
你总这样说但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

Me? I’m scared of everything. I’m
scared of what I feel, of what I’ve said,
of who I am, but most of all I’m scared of
walking out of this room and never feeling
the rest of my life the way I feel when I’m with you.

all roads lead to rome...which road will lead me to you?

爱情的岔口
你是我等不到的路人

sometimes we plunge ourselves into situations that we know we cannot salvage. let ourselves fall into cirumstances that harm us more than do us any good. it's going to be a hard fall down into the strangest lands. am i even prepared to go all the way out only to start at the beginning again? i don't know. do i care?
yes.
i do.

因为对的时间对的人
就值得我为你奋不顾身

i know. i'm quite afraid. maybe too much afraid of the things that hadn't yet happened. scared out of my wits that the past will repeat itself. afraid of putting in. anything. anything. for anything. for anyone. for myself. i should do more for myself and less for others. i know.
i'm trying.

却在对的时间错过对的人
抓不住幸福时分

there's this feeling that nothing good is ever going to come out of my wishful thinking. but you know, sometimes instant happiness and happiness that come and go still manage to make you happy? i draw strength from that. like what someone once told me. if something makes you happy, continue doing it. even if it's not very feasible, enjoy the happy parts of it. cos at least it makes you smile. at least you tried. the pain comes later but whatthefuck. what doesn't hurt in life isn't in this life. what doesn't hurt is just a delusion. something that you'll wake up from.

you'll always be on the other side

i'm walking on this side of the river, taking in the sights and sounds, wondering about you...

喜欢是一种习惯，一种改不掉的坏习惯。

the weather like my moods, ever so erratic, ever so drastic. woke up to howling winds so strong that even with the windows closed, the winds chilled me. closed my eyes half listening to the wailing and half trying to remember what it is like to be at peace with myself.

been on a mission to eat more healthily and exercise with specific goals in mind. turning into a health and hygiene freak lately. maybe at different crossroads of life, we make different decisions and become different people.

was looking forward much to recess week but today i realised that i have so much work to complete in that week which sucks.

karma's coming back at me, i think.

如果能够选择，我希望你永远快快乐乐。
也许我们的遇见是你的不幸，
也许没有我，日子会少了一些色彩但也少了许多悲伤。
可能我不是你想象中的天使。
我只不过是迷失方向的小野猫，觅食是我生存的唯一动力。
看见远方的你，拿着零食，我快乐的跑向你的方向。
你也只有喂食的时候才能靠近我，贴近我。
觅食的小野猫，从来不会记得有你的存在。。。
因为它生存只为了觅食，除此之外，你只能远远得望着可爱的小野猫。

raindrops deep inside

不想再躲在影子背后，被你当作傀儡，任你丢任你捡。
像个迷路的小女孩，徘徊在冷漠街头。
不想再追随着你的影子，但一切都已变成习惯。

或许我已有心无力了吧....

happy times

totally dig this photo. don't you find it hilarious, the classic moment when all eyes are on the same object and mouths slightly opened with almost the same expressions on our faces. it's the classic andrew-announces-a-disgusting-figure-of-$30 moment. my goodness! yes, the object is andrew hahahaha.

hope for more good times like yk's birthday party coming up though these happy people are gonna graduate soon =( sighs. it always happens. i'm already grieving something that hasn't happened.

some of my favourites:


happy times cherished, wishing they'll never go away....

have you ever heard angels singing?

如果我爱上你的笑容
要怎麼收藏
要怎麼拥有
如果你快乐不是为我
会不会放手
其实才是拥有

there's time,

but are you willing to take it?

what if all i needed was a chance. no matter how remote. no matter how slim. a tiny chance is better than no chances.

when you embark on something new, you'll tend to lose some things that you used to have. friends may be sacrificed. things that were once important may seem unimportant all of a sudden. but i guess we all leave the shore and explore new oceans before we can find land again at one time or another. and we fear and lose and gain and fear and lose and gain all over again. we're never gonna get used to fearing and losing. but we wish we gain all the time.

lots of thoughts running through my head. tired. wish somebody could hear me out and give me something good to hear. when we were all younger, talking seemed so easy. we could talk forever about the things that troubled us. and somehow the advices seemed all good. even if they're not, they manage to make you feel better. but they don't anymore. people start listening without advising because they're afraid they'll say the wrong things. we used to live in denial and a lot of self-consolation. but we can't anymore. reality of life has hit us at some point or maybe we don't really know when but it has happened.

maybe that's what blogs are for. maybe dogs aren't our best friends. maybe blogs are. i don't know, just kinda crapping.

we're all waiting for that something that will make life a life that you wanna live forever.

there's this obsession with time. how i rush through the minute things in the day to await the more significant things, hoping to spend more time on them. but your time may not necessarily be the same as mine. what's important to you, may not be important to me. time. rush through the minute haphazardly only to spend most of it waiting. waiting for nothing.

the weather's been as erratic as my mind. what goes on inside, nobody really knows. how can i share? would anyone care? or would anyone understand?

the weekend had a good beginning and it continued to be better. and up till this point, it's still going quite well. we will see how it progresses.

i wish i could be as transparent as the clear waters but i'm just mud.

there's something about you...

took a drive around the neighbourhood searching for a petrol station with a good friend. was a good drive. let off some steam. some frustrations. some pain. and her laughter is my medicine. may not cure me but makes me feel better. thank you (x

it is at a time like this that i feel like just driving non-stop aimlessly and hope i catch happiness trying to hitch a ride with me. i will let happiness sit comfortably in the passenger's seat and drive it wherever it wants me to go. cos with happiness, anything goes.

there's a sudden rush of emotions...

nobody's going to fully understand how i feel and it is no wonder, because i myself can't fully comprehend my feelings. how am i to explain my feelings if i can't fully grasp them? would you blame yourself if you were me?

there's this and there's that and there's so many of this and that. thinking. wondering. pondering. emotional upheavals. peace nowhere.

is doing what is right the same as doing what is good? is doing what is good the same as doing what is best? what is right and good and best? nothing.

how can i describe the aches that shot through me when i looked at every single article that filled the bag. indescribable. but who is to know?

a million and one reasons for me to do something and another million and two for me to not do something. can 1 more reason win a million and one reasons. are there reasons enough? more is sometimes less.

can't sleep. can't think straight. but keep thinking...

the answers won't come but there is something inside of me.

i won't push away the blame but who is to say what is right or wrong. i won't push it any further, not because i don't care but it's already beyond me. and no matter how wrong i am perceived to be, i must follow what my heart and head tells me to do. so rare that they are telling me the same things now.

torrential

can you read my mind?
if not read between the lines,
if not read the little signs.