deciphering life

this is it. i'll be throwing out the emotional baggage and sailing away on another maiden voyage to a brand new place. what a heavy heavy load that i'm going to discard. for better or worse, i guess there's no knowing but there has been too much to worry about. too much to conflict. too much emotions to handle. i'm just not up to it.

somehow it feels like deja vu. like it's happened before and it's going to be a whole huge cycle again. i am certain that i do not wish to go through that cycle again. it seems like we all don't learn from the past. we make the same assumptions, have the same expectations and then go through the same disappointments again and again. it's about time to let go.

but i never expected this to hit so deep within my heart. never expected the weakness of my limbs and the heavy rasps of breath that i have to take. never expected how my body still turns cold when this is all so expected.

i guess everything has its sacrifices and after going through so much, i've probably had enough. guess it was not meant to be so i shall just let it go and no matter how it pains me, i guess it's not worth it anymore.

if i knew i'd have gone a long time ago
not waiting till now
only to realise how i've been a fool for you