i'm feeling just a little...

overwhelmed.

"I don't want whatever I want. Nobody does. Not really. What kind of fun would it be if I just got everything I ever wanted just like that, and it didn't mean anything. What then?"

just to get through this week...and the next.

everything will be okay. i gotta have some faith.

think stressful GG periods are the best times to have mentally insane jokes coming out of my mouth. it's like i shoot and its so damn funny how not to laugh. think it's at this period of time that i think weird thoughts that i seldom think about. like how it's funny to know someone with an english name but that person never uses it. HAHA.

okay. not funny.

i'll tell you what's funny. i realise my pancakes list is overflowing. too much syrup. too much gu you. too little jam. NEED MORE MEAT PATTIES! i noe you won't understand what i'm talking about. it's about yummy stuff MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

can't wait for saturday and sunday. street challenge plus night safari halloween night combo meal for me. then a match that i hope to score in for sunday. my ultimate goal of this season is to overtake the top scorer. i'm three goals away to equalizing hahaha!!

OKAY. MAD ASS PROJECT TIME.

KTHXBBYE.

我的关怀方式
是你无法察觉的悲凉
只能在你不经意时
才锁上我心房

the pen is indeed mightier than the sword. on days that i'm so angry with certain people and certain happenings i just might pick up the sword and kill kill kill. but the pen. the pen it does so much more.

what's mightier than taking up the sword to slay? it is stopping the slaying. the pen helps me calm down. it helps me talk things through with myself. at the end of the day i may not feel any less offended but i would have lost the urge to hold the mighty sword. the pen does so much more.

write, or we will never listen. write, or we will never hear your woes. write, or you will end up holding the mighty sword and end up slaying and regretting. write, or you will never really know how good you are. write, or you will never realise the dreams you hide inside.

when you pick up the pen, don't question yourself on what you're going to write or express. just write. free-flow writing. if you stop to question, your writing can only ever be a facade. never true. write what you feel. write what you think. regretting what you write can come later. you can always erase what you've written but you can never rewrite what you never wrote.

writing is a passion that burns in all of us. but only few pick up that pen to let their emotions flow. why? i really have no idea. nobody writes badly, it's all a matter of style. all a matter of learning of improving of getting better of writing until you can't hold that pen anymore.

有多久没见你
以为你在那里
原来就住在我的心底
陪伴着我的呼吸

有多远的距离
以为闻不到你的气息
谁知道你背影这么长
回头就看到你

过去让它过去
来不及
从头喜欢你
白云缠绕着蓝天
如果不能够永远都在一起
也至少给我们
怀念的勇气
拥抱的权利
好让你明白
我心动的痕迹

i just have to believe....

if you're even bothered to wonder about me, i've been busy. really really busy and up to my throat with deadlines, projects and worrying like mad about tests and exams. it feels as though i can never make it but i guess we always do in the end, right?

it'll be okay.

what if one nightmare leads to another? when will it end?

it'll be okay.

what if one sweet dream ends in a nightmare. we would have spent hours in the dream happily living through it, thinking that dreams can be so sweet yet the tragic ending just shatters everything. is it worthy to be so happy and then fall so hard?

it'll be okay.

it'll be okay. really?

is it going to be o.k or k.o?

when are we truly happy?

it's another day.

where are you?

who are you?

i know

when all that makes life bright dies

"of course, in a novel, people's hearts break, and they die, and that is the end of it; and in a story this is very convenient. But in real life we do not die when all that makes life bright dies to us. These is a most busy and important round of eating, drinking, dressing, walking, visiting buying, selling, talking, reading and all that makes up what is commonly called living, yet to be gone through; and this yet remained to me."

i am so screwed. if i don't pull up my socks starting from this very minute and concentrate on doing all my assignments and studying for exams, i know, i just know that i will die a horrible horrible death.

i should stop thinking about ______.

i should start concentrating....

"I spend 23 hours a day wondering whether we’re wrong for each other, wondering whether we’ve got the energy that we need to get through everything that we seem to get into, whether the baggage we both bring would sink a small ship. But in the 24th hour, I realize I’ve been thinking about you for 23 hours and I come back to there’s something about you I can’t stay away from. Something about you that makes me want you."

Remember all the things we wanted

Now all our memories they're haunted

We were always meant to say goodbye


Even with our fists held higher

It never would've worked out right yea

We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out

I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

Looking at you makes it harder

But I know that you'll find another, 
that doesn't always make you want to cry


Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in

Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go




I want you to know that it doesn't matter

Where we take this road someone's gotta go

And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better

But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

secrets

"There are two kinds of secrets: those we keep from others and those we hide from ourselves."

my little secret growing. no longer tiny little secret. keeping it from others but it can't hold out much longer. maybe sooner or later i'll have to drive it so deep inside my heart that nobody can ever see it again. nobody. not even myself. could it be that someday i'll have to hide this from myself as well?

lack the courage. lack of time. lack of every little thing i need and want. lack of you.

每个人心中都有架钢琴
尘封在回忆
任凭我只是你的插曲

pointless point

"Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless."

i'm going to do everything pointless for now.

是我讲不听谁劝都不理
不顾一切就是爱你
只要你一声叹息
就能动摇我心

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser."

maybe that's why i'm afraid to put my pencil to paper.

i really...

if all that glitters is gold, you must be something more.

i wish today either never begins or it could be fast forwarded to the end.

i miss you so much...

i do, i really do miss you. it takes forever to forget you. and it will take forever for me to ever forgive myself for not spending enough time with you. for not fulfilling the promises i made to myself though you never knew. for not doing all the things that i wanted to do with you because i put it off all the time.

i forgot that you were aging too fast because i was young and i thought my life was long but yours was obviously almost over. i forgot that i had all the time that you had but you had it long before mine. i forgot that i cared about you more than i cared about my friends or anything else that i put before you because i was delusional. i forgot to tell you every week that i love you.

i love you, always and forever.

today's the day....

如果我爱上你的笑容
要怎么收藏要怎么拥有
如果你快乐不是为我
会不会放手其实才是拥有

leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey leisha hailey

if i could tell you how i'm feeling deep down inside, would you care? would you bother? would you bother to care?

曾经你被爱伤得意冷心灰
你的梦已支离破碎
多年的等待你知道为了谁
别再对我如此防备

闭上我的眼
你的容颜
仍能让我如此般的醉
爱无怨无悔
让我甘心给你最深的依偎

舍不得让你为爱独自流泪
一个人拥着悲伤你怎么入睡
疼你的心一直守在你周围
不让心情有单独的机会
有你的世界才算是最完美
我的爱除了你不会再给谁

meet me halfway...

In a lifetime
Made of memories
I believe
In destiny

Every moment returns again in time
When I've got the future on my mind
Know that you'll be the only one

Meet me halfway
Across the sky
Out where the world belongs
to only you and I

Meet me halfway
Across the sky
Make this a new beginning of another life.

i think i....

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there." -Bob Marley

the urge to talk to someone. anyone at all. but when the number is dialed there's nothing to say. no words to describe what i'm feeling.

the urge to paint a picture. a picture of something i mean to convey. but there's no picture, no paint, no palettes good enough to paint that thousand words.

the urge to succumb. succumb to pain. to suffering. to temptations. but i fall short of it. i lack something. and everything's just a bluff.

the urge to want to tell the world. shout it out loud. proclaim proudly. but there's nothing to be proud of. nothing to shout out loud. nothing i should tell the world.

restrained in a place too small to soar. the oceans are full and waves are tall but i'm too near the shore. where to go next. how to?

thinking of many many things and people. all at once. nothing ever stays.

the little corner of my heart
the little corner of my mind
the little corner of the room
the little corners that add up to a whole

为什么被爱有时却觉得悲哀
为什么我还是害怕一个人醒来
为什么相爱日子却依然空白
为什么你走不到我的未来

will keep in mind that the team dynamics is too different.
will remember that not every player is as tough as in the past.
will remind myself that soft approaches may not work but it at least make people feel better about themselves and maybe that's what is needed though it will mean we will never be up there.
will tell myself that sometimes experience doesn't speak volumes and that keeping quiet works better because people feel better about themselves again but it still doesn't mean we can win.
will constantly nag at myself to forget that i was ever a leader in this sport and that i should now fade into the background and just do my minimum best because that's enough for everyone.
will think about where to go next.

if i had the discipline in doing my schoolwork, i would have even more free time than i already have. i would play mahjong without thinking of that deadline and go suntanning without worrying about that essay.

if i had the discipline in doing my housework, i would have a neater room and not worry about the laundry piling up. i would not worry about some clothes not drying in time and leaving it to dry under the fan and getting fined for that.

if i had the discipline in love, i would not be where i am today.

the story without a beginning

在镜子前面我是个被爱的女人
他站在门外这个周末我可以依赖在他的胸怀
在情人面前我还是单身的女人
爱若缺了缘份
我想我只能用情至深但不能太认真

my ankle hurts. it feels dead. i hope it recovers fast if not i'll throw a bitch fit.

happy birthday to you!

you're a joy to be with and a friend till the end =D

虽然你现在躺在我身边
虽然你现在只对我想念
虽然你现在说爱我不变
但为何你只抽他习惯的香烟