i want to be...

it's recently that i realised how my life has changed. how everything i do has a different purpose or purposes. how every single moment there's a little shadow hanging over me. which i don't mind. provides some shade from the sun. it's only recently that i realised how it's been on my mind. pervading my life. every day. all the time.

if someone could tell me what my life would work out to be like, i'll gladly run towards that direction. it beats not knowing. being afraid. failing.

i could be whatever i want to be, but i want to be whatever you want me to be.

i've been running and running but there's no one behind me.

是我想太多
你总这样说但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

Me? I’m scared of everything. I’m
scared of what I feel, of what I’ve said,
of who I am, but most of all I’m scared of
walking out of this room and never feeling
the rest of my life the way I feel when I’m with you.

all roads lead to rome...which road will lead me to you?

爱情的岔口
你是我等不到的路人

sometimes we plunge ourselves into situations that we know we cannot salvage. let ourselves fall into cirumstances that harm us more than do us any good. it's going to be a hard fall down into the strangest lands. am i even prepared to go all the way out only to start at the beginning again? i don't know. do i care?
yes.
i do.

因为对的时间对的人
就值得我为你奋不顾身

i know. i'm quite afraid. maybe too much afraid of the things that hadn't yet happened. scared out of my wits that the past will repeat itself. afraid of putting in. anything. anything. for anything. for anyone. for myself. i should do more for myself and less for others. i know.
i'm trying.

却在对的时间错过对的人
抓不住幸福时分

there's this feeling that nothing good is ever going to come out of my wishful thinking. but you know, sometimes instant happiness and happiness that come and go still manage to make you happy? i draw strength from that. like what someone once told me. if something makes you happy, continue doing it. even if it's not very feasible, enjoy the happy parts of it. cos at least it makes you smile. at least you tried. the pain comes later but whatthefuck. what doesn't hurt in life isn't in this life. what doesn't hurt is just a delusion. something that you'll wake up from.

you'll always be on the other side

i'm walking on this side of the river, taking in the sights and sounds, wondering about you...

喜欢是一种习惯，一种改不掉的坏习惯。

the weather like my moods, ever so erratic, ever so drastic. woke up to howling winds so strong that even with the windows closed, the winds chilled me. closed my eyes half listening to the wailing and half trying to remember what it is like to be at peace with myself.

been on a mission to eat more healthily and exercise with specific goals in mind. turning into a health and hygiene freak lately. maybe at different crossroads of life, we make different decisions and become different people.

was looking forward much to recess week but today i realised that i have so much work to complete in that week which sucks.

karma's coming back at me, i think.

如果能够选择，我希望你永远快快乐乐。
也许我们的遇见是你的不幸，
也许没有我，日子会少了一些色彩但也少了许多悲伤。
可能我不是你想象中的天使。
我只不过是迷失方向的小野猫，觅食是我生存的唯一动力。
看见远方的你，拿着零食，我快乐的跑向你的方向。
你也只有喂食的时候才能靠近我，贴近我。
觅食的小野猫，从来不会记得有你的存在。。。
因为它生存只为了觅食，除此之外，你只能远远得望着可爱的小野猫。

raindrops deep inside

不想再躲在影子背后，被你当作傀儡，任你丢任你捡。
像个迷路的小女孩，徘徊在冷漠街头。
不想再追随着你的影子，但一切都已变成习惯。

或许我已有心无力了吧....

happy times

totally dig this photo. don't you find it hilarious, the classic moment when all eyes are on the same object and mouths slightly opened with almost the same expressions on our faces. it's the classic andrew-announces-a-disgusting-figure-of-$30 moment. my goodness! yes, the object is andrew hahahaha.

hope for more good times like yk's birthday party coming up though these happy people are gonna graduate soon =( sighs. it always happens. i'm already grieving something that hasn't happened.

some of my favourites:


happy times cherished, wishing they'll never go away....

have you ever heard angels singing?

如果我爱上你的笑容
要怎麼收藏
要怎麼拥有
如果你快乐不是为我
会不会放手
其实才是拥有

there's time,

but are you willing to take it?

what if all i needed was a chance. no matter how remote. no matter how slim. a tiny chance is better than no chances.

when you embark on something new, you'll tend to lose some things that you used to have. friends may be sacrificed. things that were once important may seem unimportant all of a sudden. but i guess we all leave the shore and explore new oceans before we can find land again at one time or another. and we fear and lose and gain and fear and lose and gain all over again. we're never gonna get used to fearing and losing. but we wish we gain all the time.

lots of thoughts running through my head. tired. wish somebody could hear me out and give me something good to hear. when we were all younger, talking seemed so easy. we could talk forever about the things that troubled us. and somehow the advices seemed all good. even if they're not, they manage to make you feel better. but they don't anymore. people start listening without advising because they're afraid they'll say the wrong things. we used to live in denial and a lot of self-consolation. but we can't anymore. reality of life has hit us at some point or maybe we don't really know when but it has happened.

maybe that's what blogs are for. maybe dogs aren't our best friends. maybe blogs are. i don't know, just kinda crapping.

we're all waiting for that something that will make life a life that you wanna live forever.

there's this obsession with time. how i rush through the minute things in the day to await the more significant things, hoping to spend more time on them. but your time may not necessarily be the same as mine. what's important to you, may not be important to me. time. rush through the minute haphazardly only to spend most of it waiting. waiting for nothing.

the weather's been as erratic as my mind. what goes on inside, nobody really knows. how can i share? would anyone care? or would anyone understand?

the weekend had a good beginning and it continued to be better. and up till this point, it's still going quite well. we will see how it progresses.

i wish i could be as transparent as the clear waters but i'm just mud.

there's something about you...

took a drive around the neighbourhood searching for a petrol station with a good friend. was a good drive. let off some steam. some frustrations. some pain. and her laughter is my medicine. may not cure me but makes me feel better. thank you (x

it is at a time like this that i feel like just driving non-stop aimlessly and hope i catch happiness trying to hitch a ride with me. i will let happiness sit comfortably in the passenger's seat and drive it wherever it wants me to go. cos with happiness, anything goes.

there's a sudden rush of emotions...

nobody's going to fully understand how i feel and it is no wonder, because i myself can't fully comprehend my feelings. how am i to explain my feelings if i can't fully grasp them? would you blame yourself if you were me?

there's this and there's that and there's so many of this and that. thinking. wondering. pondering. emotional upheavals. peace nowhere.

is doing what is right the same as doing what is good? is doing what is good the same as doing what is best? what is right and good and best? nothing.

how can i describe the aches that shot through me when i looked at every single article that filled the bag. indescribable. but who is to know?

a million and one reasons for me to do something and another million and two for me to not do something. can 1 more reason win a million and one reasons. are there reasons enough? more is sometimes less.

can't sleep. can't think straight. but keep thinking...

the answers won't come but there is something inside of me.

i won't push away the blame but who is to say what is right or wrong. i won't push it any further, not because i don't care but it's already beyond me. and no matter how wrong i am perceived to be, i must follow what my heart and head tells me to do. so rare that they are telling me the same things now.

torrential

can you read my mind?
if not read between the lines,
if not read the little signs.